I can't believe I'm doing this.

I swore I'd never create a blog.  I used to think it was a self-indulgent pass time of those who think their lives are overly important.  Now, I'm starting to write my own.  I'm not creating it for pure entertainment though.  I have a daughter who regularly says and does things that would make most mothers cringe.  Claire's behavior makes me cringe too.  I have posted some of her notable comments on my Facebook status update, and they usually are greeted with shock and awe.  Claire is three and a half, the size of a five year-old, and full of so much piss and vinegar, I'm not quite sure what to do.  The blog title, "Shonkey's Mom" refers to an imaginary friend that Claire used to have.  For a while, EVERYTHING--including Claire, was called "Shonkey."  It's become our loving name for our sometimes sweet daughter.

Don't get me wrong, Claire can be sweet.  I don't really think she's going to turn out to be a sociopath, but there are days when I definitely wonder whether she's normal.  My hope in creating this blog is to document the shit she says and does. 

When I was told that I was having a daughter, I imagined all of the pink, sweet little things that are associated with little girls.  Right away, I was ready to sign up to be a Brownie Scout leader.  I knew, because I know myself, that this child might be a bit of a handful.  I knew that she could be a real ass-kicker.  But I didn't quite know how bad it might be.  My mom had mentioned that I'd been difficult as a child, but not unreasonably so.  I wasn't particularly destructive, just willful and a bit mouthy.  Claire is destructive, extremely willful, and amazingly mouthy... and she hits too.  Thankfully, she doesn't bite--not yet at least.

Just this morning, I joyfully entered her room to announce that it was "not a preschool day!"  Claire looked at me and said, "That sound is hurting my ears."  I asked, "What sound?"  She said, "The sound coming out of your mouth."  And this is just a typical Claire comment... No "good morning Mommy" or "can we go to the park."  Next she told me to leave her alone because, "I'm still sleeping." 

Fortunately, today we only had one near-tantrum.  It was a good day.  In these moments I'm regularly told, "I don't like you.  I don't love you.  I want a new family/Mom."  This is just the least of it.  Lately, this has been accompanied by hitting and/or kicking.  Claire knows the routine when this occurs: straight to your bedroom. 

Tonight, was another "Classic Claire Moment" at the REI store in downtown Portland.  Claire accompanied me to pick up a new jacket that I'd ordered.  When we entered, I noticed the nice Girl Scouts selling cookies by the climbing pinnacle.  As we were leaving, we stopped to talk to them about their cookie sale.  The girls were so cheery and happily recited their credo.  Claire stared at one of the smiling girls and these words came out of her mouth: "Just what do you think you're looking at?"  The poor Girl Scout was totally taken aback.  She responded, "Oh, she's so sweet."  I was like, "Thanks, but no, not really."  I was mortified by Claire's comment.  I said, "I'll take four boxes of cookies!"